non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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