Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
