Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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