I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
