Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
