if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
