Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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