It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
