Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
