im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
