grandma shit on top of the toilet
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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