you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
