Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize