I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
