I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
