That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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