I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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