walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
