I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
40s are totally the cure
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
