Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
