My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
