we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
