But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
