GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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