woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
