just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
