Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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