some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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