if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
