i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
