Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize