Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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