And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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