She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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