I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
