well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
