There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
