Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
