If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize