I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
