Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
