I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
