my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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