I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
