You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
