yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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