Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
