What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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