I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
