i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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