two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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