I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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