her vagine was all disorganized.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
