so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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