Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
