I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
