I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
