i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
