i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
