p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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