Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
