i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
