3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
