Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drake has all the answers
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
